Top 10 advices from the advice giving person that's myself, an enlightened sophomore (hey good job on the title, Noah.)

Top 10 advices from the advice giving person that's myself, an enlightened sophomore.

Hey guys! I’m The Noah, and this is Noahbody Cares (with one space sometimes, but sometimes with no space, and sometimes spelled "Noah Buddy Cares" idk. I’m kinda winging this branding thing) How's it going? [ Insert obligatory apology for not posting in like a year-ish ] Sorry? I know you've all been eager to hear my thoughts and by you I mean  nobody in 2018, but maybe somebody is reading these in the distant future if I become famous and people have to scrutinize everything I said as an edgy teen and hold them up to whatever standards exist in the future. Hello future people! I think black people shouldn't say the N-word and standardized tests are the best way to measure general intelligence or comprehension of specific information.

...Well that was disaster of an introduction. This post is already a mess and I haven't even started. Now that the nobody that was reading this has clicked away in confusion, I want to talk about some stuff I learned this last year. Obviously as a high schooler and college freshmen, I didn't know anything, but now  I've completed two semesters, have all A's except for one B, one C, one D, and one F (that was a weird coincidence). I'm legally a sophomore now, which I think means I've reached enlightenment and have all the answers for everyone's lives with no exceptions. SO... Idk, Imma make some generalized rules I guess. 

HERE IS, TEN RULES FOR, like, people, mostly college freshmen if any of those ever read this.... LET'S GO!

RULE #1: Don't do your best on your homework. Give it 80% effort

I know that sounds bad, but all the times I failed was from trying to do my absolute 100% best work. That "F" I mentioned earlier: it was a writing class. Now I can write some GREAT essays, but I picked a really complex nuanced topic and spent way too long researching, and I ran out of time to write my final paper. It would've been the BEST paper my teacher had ever seen....... if I'd actually had time to write it. It'd actually be less embarrassing if I'd just not shown up to class for peer reviews bc I got drunk every Tuesdays like the guy I sat next to every time he showed up. In fact, I'm pretty sure that guy made at least a C and his papers were about why college cost too much or something stupid like that. So yeah, just  pick easier topics and do the minimum you need to do to get an A, rather than procrastinating because you can't make yourself vomit up a B or C worthy assignment.

Speaking on the guys I sat next to:
RULE #@: Don't forget to stop holding down shift when you type numbers. Sorry that @ was supposed to be a 2, but I keep doing that so I'm not fixing this one. [edit note: I went back to format this stuff and made the ": D" into a smiley face. I'm not fixing that either bc it's cute. I hope everyone's following this post bc it makes no sense.]

ACTUAL RULE #2: Don't sit in the back 1/3 of the classroom.
I'm pretty sure if you map out people's grades, A students sit in the 2nd and 3rd row, bright B and C students sit in the front, and D and F students sit in the back. Actually, that's just a guess I bet people have studied this, let me Google it...



Yeah, here's a gif I found that confirms my preexisting bias, so I'll assume that it's true. No need for further research. You want to sit with A-making students for several reasons: 
1) you'll spend too much time in class to meet many people you don't sit with on a regular basis
2) if you ask for people's numbers the first few days of class, you can get them to text you notes, ask them about unclear assignments, and they probably pay better attention than you too. 
#) Darn it! 3) The teacher will know you. I mean. Most teacher's know me because I'm a loud person, I'm answer questions, and I write happy little thank you notes and sometimes math jokes in the white space on my tests, but for the rest of you timid little introverts there are a lot of little perks to getting to know your professors. Which is why you should go to office hours too. In fact...

RULE #3: Also, go to office hours. As mentioned in rule 2.3 (2-3)?
What is this numbering system, also what kind of order are the rules in? Was 2-3 a subrule under the main rule? I'm so confused!!

RULE #4: Negotiate for higher wages often, and don't turn on your high beams when it's raining so hard you can barely see, they won't help.
What am I writing? Can we get back to college related advice please? FINE. I mean I think the high beams thing is especially important too bc you'll just light up the water drops in the air and not the road but fine let's do more college advice.

RULE #5: Make friends!
It's not a life tip list without a piece of advice that's both obvious and not advice. How many rules did I promise, like 10? Okay, I'll just do some more non-advice.

RULES 6-10: Be yourself! Don't sell yourself short! Know your limits! Be good! Pass all your classes, then graduate, maybe with honors, definitely with a good grasp of what kind of person you want to be for the rest of your life!


I don't know what the heck I'm doing. Thanks for reading nobody. If it's the future, leave a comment about how college is free now and not stressful and I'm a bad person for not already knowing that that's how college is in the future. That's the second time I've gone on this tangent about scrubbing celebs' online activity I'll get off my soapbox and clean my room now.

Good luck Nat,
~The Noah