A Veranda Post from my Phone

Pssst. Can I tell you a secret? ... I’m The Noah. This is Noahbodycares. The blog where I write a blog and sometimes people accidentally click on the page and click away. Other than that nobody reads it. 

That said, hi nobody! Life’s been fine thanks for asking! How are you? (just kidding I don’t care)

This post is going to be pure text

From my phone

Does that count as a gimmic? Idk. I’m feeling kind of lazy rn. I should think of a topic...

OKAY! So, my Discipleship partner issued me a challenge last week to try to find lessons for other people in my Bible reading. So I’ve been trying to do that. Unfortunately, on account of  me being an idiot and having no friends, none of the lessons I found were very helpful... SO LETS JUST JUMP INTO IT!

LEsson 1: Double capitalization is a problem on mobile. No backspacing though! (That’s the other gimmic I didn’t mention. See this post is so unique and has just all sorts of personality!)

Lesson 1: If you're feeling stupid. Don’t. 

[Citation somewhere in Genesis 27]

Now you might Ben asking (freaking autocorrect). Now you might be asking what Genesis 27 has to do with self-image. You probably aren’t. But you might be. I can’t rule it out as a possibility. In Gen 27 Jacob draped some goatskin over his hands and neck to trick his blind father Isacc into giving him the family blessing. Not only can Isacc not tell the difference between a goatskin and HIS OWN SON. After he gives the wrong kid the blessing he freaking doubles down and refuses to give his firstborn any of the family fortune, then he dies like a LOSER.

So no matter how much you feel dumb. I promise you’re smarter than Isacc was in this moment. You called yourself an idiot in this post you hypocrit! Well... I think it’s spelled hypocrite. Also... yeah, sorry “past The Noah”. You’re not really an idiot. You’re smart enough to distinguish between human hands and a recently slaughtered goat by touch and smell. No hard feelings. 

Next. *clap* Lesson. *clap*

Lesson 2: God is a huge fan of irony, (and like He’ll use your words to bring about good)

[Citation Jonah. I’m not holding your hand it’s four chapters. Skim it!]

Not sure if this one is cheating because we’ve been reading through Jonah the last few weeks on Sunday Mornings, but it’s my blog post dangit! 

If you haven’t read Jonah in a minute, here’s a recap: God sends Jonah to deliver a message of redemption and prophecy to Nineveh. Jonah runs away, almost dies. God sends him again and tells him to make a prophecy and Jonah says “FINE!” like a toddler. He pops into Ninevah for a hot minute, walks through less than half the city and delivers the most half-assed prophecy you’ve ever heard to no one in particular: “In 40 days this city will be overturned!” The word “overturned” in Hebrew is double meaning. Jonah meant it as overthrown or destroyed, but the word also can also mean turned upside down or drastically changed. In 40 days, the entire city repents and sets out on a new path after God. 

Did you catch that? God made Jonah’s prophesy come true based on a pun! That’s some hilarious attention to detail on God’s part that I somehow never knew about until this last week! I personally think God loves puns (the stigma against puns is a very recent thing. They aren’t “bad jokes” they aren’t even jokes. If your reaction to me mentioning puns was involuntarily groaning and muttering “puns aren’t funny”. You’re the worst kind of person. A pun isn’t - ugh. Never mind. Maybe I should write about puns in my next post). 

LEsson 3: Idk. I’m tired. I’m going to go grab some dinner. See you later

I promise to put forth more effort on muni next post. (Autocorrect) *my next post

~The Noah